The 10 Best Places To Pleasure Yourself In A Full House
1. Coat closet (right corner)
Don’t let the lacrosse sticks and fishing poles scare you away! You can actually use that sporting equipment to your advantage. With eyes closed, both can serve as pleasure rods or as stand-ins for a flat-chested woman.
2. Under the bed
You might be wondering: why can’t I be ON the bed? Answer: too many decorative pillows (see #9). There’s not much room to maneuver in this location, so you have to come fully prepared, and by “fully prepared” I mean undressed and already turned on. You also must be ready for family members to walk by you unknowingly. This only really becomes a problem if they start breakdancing, which of course would bring them dangerously close to the ground and perhaps lead to eye contact. If this happens, just play it off like you were cleaning or sleeping.
Illustration by Emily Clouse
