So, Ya Wanna Eat a Cannibal Sandwich? Please Fuckin’ Don’t.
Dear People of Wisconsin,
I would like to address your holiday tradition of eating raw meat sandwiches.
First, allow me to take this opportunity to shine a light on what’s happening vis-a-vis the Earth right now. There is a virus afoot, and you should do everything in your power to avoid landing in the hospital. To that end, dear Wisconsinites, I would like to say, ‘what the fuck,’ in response to hearing you eat uncooked meat at the Yuletide. Might I suggest a cocktail wiener (baked) or some cheese (refrigerated) for your holiday tables? Too tame? Too safe? Too life-sustaining?
